Is he safe? The relentless undercurrent of fear black women have for their men and children

Record ID: 1556757

  • Title: Is he safe? The relentless undercurrent of fear black women have for their men and children
  • Date: 11th June 2020
  • Summary: NEW YORK, NEW YORK, UNITED STATES (JUNE 8, 2020) (REUTERS ) (SOUNDBITE) (English) DANIELLE PATTILLO, MOTHER OF TWO, SAYING: "I know he's fine when he's in the neighborhood. It's when he now leaves the neighborhood that I feel that he's not going to be as fine." WHITE FLASH (SOUNDBITE) (English) DANIELLE PATTILLO, MOTHER OF TWO, SAYING: "Until he comes home, it's just this constant off and on thought of 'Is he OK?' mixed with prayer, mixed with me texting him. Kind of like always doing check-ins. I really have more fears for my 22-year-old because he's really out and about. And he drives. And I'm always fearful if he's gonna get pulled over, what that interaction is going to be like. And so I always tell him, no sudden moves. Turn the car off. Keep your hands on the steering wheel. You know, ask for permission to look for your registration and your license, you know? So when they both leave, it is just constant anxiety, even if it's not in the forefront anymore. It's always there because I feel it dissipate and leave the minute they come home."
  • Embargoed: 25th June 2020 15:47
  • Keywords: Danielle Pattillo George Floyd black men black women mental health police brutality stress
  • Location: NEW YORK, NEW YORK, UNITED STATES / UNIDENTIFIED LOCATIONS
  • City: NEW YORK, NEW YORK, UNITED STATES / UNIDENTIFIED LOCATIONS
  • Country: USA
  • Topics: Race Relations / Ethnic Issues,Society/Social Issues
  • Reuters ID: LVA007CHXD553
  • Aspect Ratio: 16:9
  • Story Text: Danielle Pattillo, 42, is a divorced mother of two children - young, black, male children.
    For many black women, there is a lifelong undercurrent of fear when it comes to loving black men and raising black children in the United States.
    Pattillo is a public school teacher and lives in The Bronx borough of New York City. Her children are 14- and 22-years-old, and from an early age, Pattillo said she educated her children about both racism and how to interact with police officers.
    "Conversations with my son started around 12," Pattillo recalled. "Make sure you have your school I.D. on you. Make sure when you are speaking to an officer that you speak slowly, you don't give attitude or what they would consider sass. And because you're a minor, your very next words should be. 'I would like to call my mom because I am a minor.'"
    Pattillo said these conversations, known in the black community as "the talk", were not meant to scare her son, but to protect him. For generations, African American parents have the unenviable duty of explaining to their children how to handle the racism they will encounter in their daily lives and how to behave during an encounter with the police to prevent an escalation that could turn deadly.
    "These are not conversations that you should be having with your children who are 12. So I think it hurt me more than it hurt him."
    Pattillo said she feels her sons are safe in their neighborhood, but feels "constant anxiety" when they are not.
    When her younger son goes out Pattillo said, "Until he comes home, it's just this constant off and on thought of 'Is he OK?' mixed with prayer, mixed with me texting him. Kind of like always doing check-ins. I really have more fears for my 22-year-old because he's really out and about. And he drives. And I'm always fearful if he's gonna get pulled over. What that interaction is going to be like. And so I always tell him no sudden moves. Turn the car off. Keep your hands on the steering wheel. You know, ask for permission to look for your registration and your license, you know."
    Pattillo has reason to worry. One in every 1,000 black men in the U.S. will be killed by a police officer, according to a 2019 study by the National Academy of Sciences. And black men are about 2.5 times more likely to be killed by police than are white men, according to the same study.
    Pattillo admitted, "My mental health suffers tremendously when my children are out and about."
    While the mental and physical impacts of stress on black women is being studied, data shows chronic stress can lead to heart disease, obesity, anxiety and depression.
    In 2016, a study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found black women have a life expectancy that is three years shorter than white women.
    Feelings of unease felt by black women extends beyond the safety of their children.
    "I fear for my brothers, my uncles, more than I fear for my children right now," said Pattillo. "My brothers have had police interactions that were not favorable for nothing more than three men together. And in America, three black men or more is deemed a threat. This is a problem."
    The effects of daily racism has often been described as a "death by a thousand cuts". And Pattillo admitted sometimes feeling unprepared to handle the anger and frustration felt by the black men in her life.
    She said, "Black women have been tasked with having to be trauma surgeons for situations that we are not trained for. And we're gonna just reach that limit where, for lack of better terms, our men are coding, they are flatlining because we can't help them with what they need from us."
    Pattillo said, like all mothers, she only wants the best for her family. "I want my sons to be the best at whatever it is they want to be. And I want them to have the opportunity to do that."
    The African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child" is a recognition of community partnership.
    "We can't do this alone. This is not something that only the black community can do because the black community didn't put the black community in this predicament. So we can't do it alone. We need to band together with everyone."
    (Production: Angela Moore, Andrew Hofstetter)
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